you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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