i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I did not marry a roomba.
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