i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
