bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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