If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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