i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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