We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
