She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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