The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
