I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
