Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
