Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I've blown a few things in my day
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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