During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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