One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
