I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
