I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
they're like a gay fantastic four
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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