Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
