Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
