she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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