I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
