just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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