When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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