ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
