I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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