she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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