i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
