Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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