i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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