tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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