Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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