you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
