Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
