i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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