The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
