there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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