I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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