Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I love having hate sex.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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