Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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