Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
