even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
