I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
