so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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