I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
