I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just threw up on my dentist
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
