I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My ass is underappreciated
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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