i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
