The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
