Do you still have your period?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
