Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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