No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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