WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
