that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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