I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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